These Walls Do Talk

Alot of my friends were jealous because I could draw and paint on my walls. I don't know why, though. It was the only place I could say what I really wanted to. They all had journals and best friends and supportive families... Me? All I had were walls. But at least they never judged me. Those walls saw the depths of my soul, and portrayed it without biased opinions. These walls do talk; and they told my story. But now that it's gone... Now that my story has been painted over and erased... I don't know what I'm going to do. Three years of my life- Gone. With no record of it happening at all. They were jealous of me because I could draw on walls? How foolish. I'm the jealous one now.

Just Fucking Leave Already!

You know those annoying people who just wont go away? You're one of them. 

A Picture.

I refuse to give a description for this. Its just a painting on 

my wall. I did it. No frickin back story that I'm gunna tell

you. Just a lame sketch covered in paint. Thats it. Bye.

Dream

8/29-30/2012

I had the weirdest dreams last night.  Well, nightmares. That’s what I call them, because theyre not horrendous and gory, but they do scare me.

 The first one was me visiting my uncle TJ in florida. But.. instead of everything being great,  he and my mom decided to punish me for absolutely nothing. I seriously did not do anything.  And then he had to leave for a business trip. When he was saying bye to everyone he was normal TJ, funny and nice. But then he looked at me… and I just kind of froze. He glared at me. He’s never done that before. And his eyes… I've never seen them that cold. I hope I never actually do.

The other dream that was weird and creepy was one of the youth groups I'm part of all sitting on some bleachers, just kind of talking. I was next to a few girls-who were from a different youth group, weird- and my older friend Jacob. He’s a leader now because he graduated and never got around to leaving us. But anyways, in this dream I was a lot shyer than I normally am and I had problems speaking up. Which is weird, because I can be pretty damn loud if I want to be.  Anyways, we were sort of sitting close-ish at first. And then his arm was around me. I wasn’t really sure why, cuz we’re not that close of friends, but I just kind of rolled with it. Well then his arms were completely around me, and his head was resting on my shoulder. He said some things along the lines of “It feels so perfect right now” and other cheesy stuff that’s usually just him joking around. I was pretty sure he was just messing with me. And then he tilted his head so his lips were seriously just an inch from mine and it looked like he was gunna kiss me.

Okay, I think I should add in some details to explain why this dream was getting increasingly weird. First off, we were in the middle of the bleachers where everyone could see us. Secondly, I’m pretty sure I forgot to mention the insignificant little detail that he’s 25. That’s pretty inappropriate. And lastly, he and I rarely even talk. I think I've had a grand total of ten conversations in his presence, and maybe gotten five hugs from him in all history.  And I don’t even like him like that…So I was really hoping he was just messing with me. Anyways, back to the story:

He leaned a bit closer… and then my instincts kind of took over. I leaned the rest of the gap(like a centimeter) and just kissed him. But… he pulled away at the last moment and kind of laughed at me quietly. I groaned and said “Don’t do that to me, man…” And then he straight up swooped in and kissed me. Of course, it couldn’t just be a kiss. That would have been way too easy. No, he had to frickin keep messing with me. So when I started to kiss back, he pulled away again. Douchebag status, right? He laughed at me again. I’m pretty sure everyone saw that time. Our youth leader Katy and a few people behind us like Ian and Jules were kind of protesting to Jacob, telling him to stop. But he just said “What? What are you lookin at?” and then he kissed me again. This time I knew not to try to kiss back… but he just kept doing it and I didn’t know how to get him to stop. I was pretty confused at that point. On one hand, it felt pretty good to have his arms around me. But on the other, I knew he was just trying to mess with me and it was really awkward and uncomfortable. Well then, before I even knew what the fuck was going on, he was like rubbing my leg. But wasn’t just like my knee, I was wearing shorts so it was my bare thigh. Weird. I tried to push him off but he wouldn’t budge. He just held me closer. Finally then Katy made him stop.

I had a few other dreams last night, like going out to eat with a bunch of my Sonora friends and then playing a football version of tag or something… but the first two were the weirdest and creepiest. My head is weird.

Who's Truth?

I laugh when people ask for the truth. Who's truth, exactly? They're all different. My truth is different from yours, the same as a serial killer's truth is different from an FBI agent's. I could say something with absolute certainty...something I am completely sure of... and you could justifiably rebuke every word I said. It would make sense if you did. So when someone asks me for the truth, yes, I do laugh at them. Maybe not out loud, or even to their face, because I don't want to be mean. But I do laugh. Because it's ridiculous what can pass for the truth.