The Loss Of My Fading Demise

I can control my anger now. It's almost impossible for just anyone to make me angry. But... now I hardly feel anything. It's like someone stole all my emotions and replaced them with emptiness and sadness. At least before I was filled up with Bad... now I'm just... I dunno... here. I'm just here. Alive. I'm alive. Thats it. I don't have any purpose or mission or journey to accomplish. I'm in between my fading demise and the life ahead of me. I thought people are supposed to be happy after they get better? or maybe I'm not better. Maybe I'm worse and I dont even know it.
I can't react properly still. Talk about suicide and I'll calmly tell you how I'd do it if i wanted to, maybe even throw in a few jokes for entertainment. Talk about Homicide and I'll look at you with unchanging eyes as you relieve every last moment of that horrible experience you encountered. I cant be phased by the horrible or gory. I wont be shaken by the unspeakable.
Maybe the war is over... maybe one side did win. Maybe the initial result is the loss of feeling. what comes next? whats gong to happen to me?
Oh, God... if you're out there...save me. or, anyone. please. I dont know what to do. I've tried everything. I've lost hope. so please... if anyone can help me... I'll be waiting. theres nothing else left for me to do.