Sometimes its hard, seeing you. Ever since you said we should stop. I know its stupid and my head keeps telling me to quit being such a girl but sometimes it feels like I've lost you. It seems like when we stopped kissing we were somehow not as good of friends. And even that is stupid, because I'm acting like we were a real couple instead of.. whatever we were. I know we weren't and probably never will be but in the moment it felt like you were mine. I started to confuse what love between us was supposed to be... Maybe that's why things have been a little weird lately. It kinda felt like you were breaking my heart. I told you someone would get hurt... I just didn't admitt i knew it would be me. I also wont admitt that these past few brief moments we've spent together all I've wanted to do is drop everything, slide my hand across your cheek, and kiss you with all the sweet, innocent passion of our first few kisses. I don't care about the people around. But i know you would. So i don't. And it kills me because when I'm torn up inside all i want is you even though i know it would just hurt more. You're all i ever want despite knowing that if i lean my head against yours like we used to it might end up in a kiss, and i know how bad that would end up being for both of us. Because with us it never ends with that kiss. I want more and you don't care about restrictions until we realize how far we've gone and that we still cant define exactly what we are to each other. Is that why you wanted to stop? Because you noticed a little too late the truth I've been concealing between my lips: that it doesn't matter how far we go now, we will always go farther every single time? The truth wasn't so harsh for me because to me you were my superhero and my one love. I would have done anything for you. Was it hard for you because somehow, after all we've done and been through, I'm not as important to you as you are to me? Again i know how stupid it is every time i say it aloud but it somehow keeps popping up as a real concern. Even after what you said last night, about loving me just as much as i love you. That's all I've ever needed to hear but i know deep down that next time it'll be even harder to look you in the eye without showing you how bad it hurts. Because your eyes are mine. And your lips are mine. And every inch of you I've ever dared to caress... I've taken you and you're mine. But when i feel the urge to run at you and absorb you with lovely, tangible, physical love i have to remind myself that I'm in my own delusion; you never gave yourself to me, you never loved me as your partner, you don't always see me as i see you. I wish i could cry. But not even you could awaken that part of me, not even before we complicated things. I miss how simple and sweet things were before the fountain... How we were friends and only friends and never anything more. I could tell you anything just because i wanted to, not because i was afraid that if i didn't keep sharing deep feelings with you our intimacy would fail and you would leave. Maybe i tried too hard... Was that it? Was i too available? Was it too easy to be there for me? Is that why you stopped even trying? I know that's not fair to say, you've had alot on your plate for awhile now. I know you aren't doing too well either... But i wish i could still be the one to talk to you. But i guess those days are over, huh? Gone with the only person I've truly loved. It doesn't even matter what kind of love anymore. I started this, i deal with the aftermath. I hope you don't get hurt, too. I hope you don't forget i love you.
This was supposed to bring us together...
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